I would like to live my life without unnecessary highs and lows. I often blow everything so far out of proportion that you can't even see reality from where I end up. For instance, a slow day at work means that the business is failing and that everyone is shopping at my competitors, talking about what a waste of real estate my shop is. We have a good sales day and I am the best shop in the whole world and everyone should want to be me. Often these two days happen right on top of each other, which is a bit like a roller coaster, but with less funnel cake and more nausea.
It is hard to live that way, it's a bit manic depressive, but since I'm not, there is no great support group or medication. Not that I want that. I just want to take things in stride. I am trying. It's a conscious decision thingy, and those are very hard to make work. The huge amounts of caffeine I imbibe and constant attempts to curb my carb intake do not help. If you have not experienced a caffeine crash on a low carb diet, you should try it. It's fun. Like a root canal.
I must have been like this as a child, my mom is ingrained to tell me to calm down, to keep perspective. It helps. I just need to internalize that advice. To calm myself down. The hard part is that the highs are kinda fun. It makes normal life seem so boring and sedate. The problem is the lows. They suck. Hard. Like I am empty and worthless and have nothing to offer. Come to think of it, the highs kinda suck too. They wear me out. They make me feel all stretched taut and tingly. Which is not as fun as it sounds.
So on the whole, I could handle a bit more perspective. It is supposed to come with age. I think I should be there. Maybe I am a late bloomer.
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