and yet i keep getting out of bed.

So another fucking chicken was killed today, or rather last night but I found her today. Or what is left of her, which amounts to a pile of feathers, some blood and a foot. Fuck you raccoons. I have no desire to contribute to the whole circle of life bullshit, so stop eating my chickens. It makes me feel like utter shit that I can't keep those silly little empty headed cluckers safe. I have enough issues without your bullshit.

The holidays are seeming to make the customers extra stupid and rude and oh-my-god-why-cant-you-be-everything-to-me-at-all-times. If they were not giving me money I might have to beat them. I might still anyway. Some of them.

The businesses that lease space from me MAY be closing and or moving away and I MAY lose the rent, which means I MIGHT need to find money from somewhere to make it work. MAYBE. Maybe not. So fine either way I guess, but I am a planner and I don't work well on MAYBE. I need to know. MAYBE I'll just kick them all out and forge ahead. At least then I wont have to make unnecessary plans.

The stupid lessee's stupid husband asked me what made me think I was more qualified than him to determine the worth of a business. Hmm, how about the fact that mine has grown in a recession while he has been fired from jobs and has to close his failing business. Yeah, lets go with that. Oh and don't yell at me in my own shop. Thanks. Asshole.

I am extra tired of people telling me that I am not good looking enough to be with the husband. Not that I am ever really ok with it, but really people, fuck you. Worth is not a looks thing. It's about merit and besides, I am not fucking ugly you horrid people.

I closed the bars a few weeks ago. I was sober-ish, the ex husband of my now lesbian friend was not. I haven't seen him in almost a year. There was so much sad and hurt and empty in his conversation and it just ate at me. I miss you like crazy, and the holidays are making it worse. I'm ok though, despite my bitching, and I really hope you are too.

My friend is moving away, and I am tired of that. I hate it, being so close and then it is all long distance, and people drift and it is never that same, no matter how hard you try.