My mothers nagging voice that has somehow morphed into my own. It tells me that I am not trying hard enough, working long enough, that there is no time to rest, that I could be doing better. It stops me from having fun, from relaxing and taking the moments as they come.
Frankly I am tired of it.
I fear that my child will grow up and I will have missed it, that my mother and father will die and that I will have been to busy working to have spent enough time with them. I fear that I will find my self an old lonely woman who finally is able to see that all that I am doing now is a great big waste.
Then I calm my ass down and remember that we all HAVE to work to live and that I am not a horrid person and that the nagging voice telling me I will regret my life is STILL my freaking mother. Only now she is telling me these things in person, because I think she has reached that conclusion in her own life.
That makes me sad for her.
But she is not me. I see me daughter more than most working mothers, and we have a great relationship. My father will be distant no matter how often I see him, and my mother doesn't work, if she really wants to make good on our relationship, she can come see me too. And I have hobbies and I goof off. And really, who can honestly say they enjoy every moment anyway?
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