6 Lies Men Tell

1. I was first attracted your (personality, smile, laugh, wit, etc. . .). - How long from the time you met until had sex? Less than the time it takes to count how many Starbucks are in your town? It was your body. Don't ask me how, I don't get it either but trust me, women can make love to wit, men make love to bodies and sex appeal.

2.  You do not look fat. - You probably do, or at least fat in comparison to when you first met him. And if you met him and then suddenly got fit and trim, then you have it all wrong.

3.  I like your friends.  - He doesn't.  Unless he wants to sleep with them.  Or if they are lesbians.  Men love lesbians.  Twice the fantasy.

4.  I love spending time with your family. - If his is relatively normal he's much rather be with them.  The only reason he might want to be around yours is either because they absorb some of the crazy you sling, or because hes trying to figure out where all that crazy is coming from and how hes supposed to deal with it.

5.   I would love to go shopping with you. - Nope.  He'd rather be getting a root canal.  Unless he is gay.  Or metro sexual, which is just like gay but without the ability to commit to the idea of another dick in his life.

6.  You look as lovely as the day I met you. - Unless you met him yesterday, or perhaps shortly after a freak traumatic accident, you do not look as lovely as the day he met you.  You are older, wrinkly-er, saggier and softer.  Unless you are not, in which case, go to hell. (You are, I peeked)  It's ok though, because he is older and wrinkly-er too.  And you somehow don't see it.  I'm sure it's the same for him.

Eat this, all the cool kids are.

I lurve this bread.  It is organic and healthy and tastes so damn good.  Also it only has 1 carb and it ultra filling.  Buy it here. http://www.julianbakery.com/index.php  There is even a gluten free version for you poor people.  You are welcome

did you miss me?

its been crazy, and long, and stressful.. . . the ex came up. she is as lovely as ever.  she brought my kiddo, she is 13 and sad and kinda emo, but in a truly sweet and lovely kind of way.  it was rough when the ex was here with her.  the mother daughter dynamics are tough for them i think.  i made my usual plea to get custody for a year, it was again denied.  after she left we went shopping and actually had fun, she told me she loved me and kissed me all the time.  then she got sad for her friends and wanted to go home.  its hard for her that i work all the time, and she had grown apart from the friends she made when she lived here.  i put her on the plane and cried. 

but its ok, becasue she texts me almost every day now, and that is wonderful. . . while the ex was here she started hitting on me again. . . that was hard but that part is done for both of us and we both know it.  i think she just misses that conection that teasing relationship. . that kind of longing is hard, i know.  but no.  done.

god i want to keep that kiddo.  she is smart and funny and so very sad and listless.  i know its the age in part, but we could provide so much for her. . ugh.  still she belongs with her mother so ok, fine.

still, lame

hmm, what else.  ive been working less, and spending more time with my family.  thats good, i dont want to miss baby girl growing up.  and my marriage is good, which i havent been able to say in awhile.  i started a weight loss competition and i won this week.  i lost an insane amount of inches. . . i still have about a million more, but im FINALLY on the right track. . .

and that is all.  thank you and good night