I hate myself.

A woman at the shop told her daughter she was going to hit her. . . .in the face. . . with a stick.

And I did nothing. She didn't yell it, she just said it, as mater of fact as a normal person might remark on the color of your hair. But instead of, you are a brunette, she said . . I will hit you. . in the face. . with a stick. Along with another 15 minutes of spanking threats.

Nothing. The child was three.

And I didn't do a god damned thing. I was a mandated reported for 12 years, and I did FUCKING NOTHING.

And the grandmother was there, saying, your mama's going spank you. So it's generational. . ingrained. The thing is, that nothing I would say would make a difference. She'd only take it out on the child. Abusive people do that when they are confronted. They rationalize that if the abused person had only done as they were told they abuser wouldn't have needed to take that action. So it's the childs fault.

I hoped she would pay with a check, I could give the address over that way. But no. Cash. FUCK. A fast thinking employee helped the child with her coat, in a bumbling "I'm harmless and friendly mom, I don't even know what a FUCKING CUNT you are." She couldn't find any marks, but that means nothing. Even if she never lays a hand on that poor little girl, which I no is utter bullshit, the emotional scaring. . FUCK.

Afterwards the husband thought that he should have gotten the license plate number. But it was too late then. And that poor little girl is out there, being threatened to get hit with a stick and I could have stopped it if i'd just manned up, grabbed the child and called the cops.

But I didn't. Which makes me a waste of fucking space right about now.

So, I'm sorry helpless little girl. I'm sorry you life is shitty and I'm sorry your going to grow up hallow and cruel and hateful and empty, just like your stupid fucking mother and grandmother before her. I'm sorry I failed you.

I hope someone with more balls steps in and does something. Hell, I hope your stupid family brings you back. Because if they do, you'll be leaving in a cop car and your mother will learn how to parent with humanity before she gets you back.