Likewise, do not come in at closing and tell me you only need a minute and then languidly browse for 30 minutes to make a 2 dollar purchase. Lets assume I’m on overtime at this point and spend at least a dollar for every minute you keep me from my family. Either that, or entertain me.
I actually do wish I could have everything everyone wanted. I would make tons of money that way. But more importantly, I wouldn’t have to listen to you complain that I don’t have exactly what your looking for. But since I am limited in both space and money, I have to stock my shop according to needs of the majority. Think of it like a bell curve. Please see the handy diagram thingy for visual reference.
See, that is why I do not have pineapple ice cream in January, or peppermint in June. Sorry.
While you are in my shop, please keep in mind that it is, in fact a shop. The ceiling and lack of tan bark on the floor should be your cue to exercise at least a modicum of control on your offspring. Strangely enough I do mind if they rearrange the displays, climb into the shelves and take things out of the containers. Likewise, I don’t not think the space is appropriately set up for hide and seek or chase. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. Just not yours.
When you have made your selection it is customary to pay for it. Stealing is bad, just in case your parents never taught you that. Also annoying is asking me to hold items for you while you go see what my competition has. Let’s think of the other customers as your competition. How bad do you want it? So from now you can either buy it, or leave it and hope it is still here when you have driven around for hours only to realize that you should had just bought it from me in the first place.
Please do not ask me if I really want 40 for the item in question. I obviously do, otherwise I’d have marked it for say, 35. If you want to know if I’ll take 35, tell me you have cash and don’t want a receipt. Otherwise either recognize it for the good deal it is and either buy it, or keep your mouth shut.
Do not tell me you think it must be so fun to own my own business and to not have to have a real job. I work 60 hours a week, in case your math is off, that’s like one and a half real jobs. With no overtime, no medical, no time off, no scapegoat. Just me and you, and frankly sometimes that just sucks.
Please do not insult my merchandise. If you think it is too sweet or not sweet enough, or impractical or just plain weird, either phrase it nicely or again, keep your mouth shut. I think the shirt you have on is hideous but I keep that to myself.
Please do not insult me. I know it should go without saying but since you keep forgetting, I am a real person, not a walking cash register. I have feelings. I am also aware that I need to lose weight, that my boobs are huge, that I am outspoken, that my husband is better looking than me. I do not need you to tell me these things. I’m sure you can’t understand how an overweight, loudmouthed non-descript nothing of a person has my life, but I do. So again, SHUT IT.
Thanks to and because of people like you I regularly get massages and bottles of wine. Sort of a catch 22 thingy.
* If you are my friend, I mean my REAL friend, like you’ve seen the inside of my house and stuff, than you can go ahead and assume the preceding rant does not apply to you. *
I guess.
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