If you love something. . . and other such Hallmark moments

The first born came up for two weeks.  She was funny and sweet and sassy and babbled endlessly about her super important teen life and her super important best friends.  All four of them.  Then four days into it I found out she has a 1.86 GPA and her best-besty is an 18 year old high school drop out.

But it's okay because she is really immature . . .wtf

So I made my plea, and the ex said I could have her.  For 14 months.  I was elated.  I knew she'd be a pain in the ass, but she'd be my pain in the ass again.  I got her into an incredible home school to finish the year, a teen summer program and a few classes, fencing and skateboard camp.  I found sites to help me plan lessons for her, to pull her grades up.  I had a 4.3 in school, (I know, you really can't tell can you), I can do this, no problem.

We knew she'd be sad, but 6 months ago she was begging to live with us, so we figured we'd be okay.

Not. So. Much

There were tears and anger and pleas.  She flat out refused, she begged.  Never once did she say she didn't want to be with us.  She just didn't want to leave there.  She finally has friends, other odd teens like her, people she loves.  I felt for her.  We talked about her goals in life.  She's 14, what goals she has are so vague it hurts.  We talked about what we could offer her.  She didn't want it.  She wanted her friends.  We talked about her grades. Her motivation.  She has none.

I was not moved.

Then she said that she didn't get a chance, one last chance to do the work. She didn't think there would be a real immediate consequence to her grades.  She said she should get an opportunity to prove herself, and that if she didn't then she would come here, with no complaints.   I'd rather not drag her kicking and screaming into a successful life.  Even though I know we have more to offer.  More time, more money, less stress.

So I let her go. I should have made her stay, but she has a right to her own life.  Even though she is still so young, she has had it hard and deserves to help decide her fate.  Even when I think she is making the wrong choice.

I am not a total idiot though.  She has a list of rules a page long.  Homework will be done, and even turned in and signed off.  Extra credit will be begged for and summer will have homework.  Two hours five days a week, four during the month she stays with us.  The ex put us on her consent forms at school, we have access to all the grades and teachers.  She will be in counseling, once a week.  She will try.

If she cannot maintain a B average and follow the rules she is on a plane to here.  Which is not there.  Where the friends are.  Good luck first born. I'm rooting for you, although I'd rather you never left.

Pragmatic Child

Enjoy a few of the many gems baby girl passed onto me this evening.

It's someones birthday today.  It's someones birthday everyday.  They might not even live in this country, or in this state, but that's still important to them.

That old lady wagged her finger at you.  You shouldn't do that to another grown-up.  Maybe she thought you were a dog.  A dog driving a car.

I had lots of fun today.  I went to *friends* house and then grandma's house, then our house.  I was too busy to be bored.

I don't want to eat that.  I'm not really into eating brown things today.

We made cookies at *friends*.  Do you want one?  The sprinkles make them taste better.

Hey do you think you could try to cuddle with me maybe without hurting my legs?

How many hours can fit into 20 hours?

You can finish my bath.  It's probably a little cold, but I didn't pee in it.

You're mommy to me, but to everyone else you are just a person.

Day 30 - A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Things.  In no chronological, logical or grammatically correct order.

my intelligence
my strength
almost every choice I make is guided by my desire to be a good mother
my determination
i can split an even number of things in half by looking at them, if there is an odd number i can tell you which side is over (like a deck of cards)
my compassion
my sense of humor
i can tell a baby's age to the month and a child's age to the half year after watching them for 5 minutes
quirkiness
my self reliance
my understanding of children's inner motivation
my willingness to try new things
i take people as they are and allow for their weaknesses
my appreciation for simple pleasures
my hair
my eyes
my freckles
i love any small version of a larger thing
i am protective of helpless creatures
my lips
my smile
i opened my own business from nothing, and it is a success
my neck
my collarbones
i can tell you if that thing will fit in there
i can fake happy in front of almost anyone
my breasts
my skin tone
that I cry when I am really angry - it's cathartic
my calves
my voice
my laugh
my strong sense of self preservation
my fierceness
my inability to hold a grudge
i build things with my own hands
i am learning to play an instrument, again
i am a college graduate
i can change my pattern of behavior
i ask for help when i need it
i always forgive