Saturday, May 7, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
If you love something. . . and other such Hallmark moments
The first born came up for two weeks. She was funny and sweet and sassy and babbled endlessly about her super important teen life and her super important best friends. All four of them. Then four days into it I found out she has a 1.86 GPA and her best-besty is an 18 year old high school drop out.
But it's okay because she is really immature . . .wtf
So I made my plea, and the ex said I could have her. For 14 months. I was elated. I knew she'd be a pain in the ass, but she'd be my pain in the ass again. I got her into an incredible home school to finish the year, a teen summer program and a few classes, fencing and skateboard camp. I found sites to help me plan lessons for her, to pull her grades up. I had a 4.3 in school, (I know, you really can't tell can you), I can do this, no problem.
We knew she'd be sad, but 6 months ago she was begging to live with us, so we figured we'd be okay.
Not. So. Much
There were tears and anger and pleas. She flat out refused, she begged. Never once did she say she didn't want to be with us. She just didn't want to leave there. She finally has friends, other odd teens like her, people she loves. I felt for her. We talked about her goals in life. She's 14, what goals she has are so vague it hurts. We talked about what we could offer her. She didn't want it. She wanted her friends. We talked about her grades. Her motivation. She has none.
I was not moved.
Then she said that she didn't get a chance, one last chance to do the work. She didn't think there would be a real immediate consequence to her grades. She said she should get an opportunity to prove herself, and that if she didn't then she would come here, with no complaints. I'd rather not drag her kicking and screaming into a successful life. Even though I know we have more to offer. More time, more money, less stress.
So I let her go. I should have made her stay, but she has a right to her own life. Even though she is still so young, she has had it hard and deserves to help decide her fate. Even when I think she is making the wrong choice.
I am not a total idiot though. She has a list of rules a page long. Homework will be done, and even turned in and signed off. Extra credit will be begged for and summer will have homework. Two hours five days a week, four during the month she stays with us. The ex put us on her consent forms at school, we have access to all the grades and teachers. She will be in counseling, once a week. She will try.
If she cannot maintain a B average and follow the rules she is on a plane to here. Which is not there. Where the friends are. Good luck first born. I'm rooting for you, although I'd rather you never left.
But it's okay because she is really immature . . .wtf
So I made my plea, and the ex said I could have her. For 14 months. I was elated. I knew she'd be a pain in the ass, but she'd be my pain in the ass again. I got her into an incredible home school to finish the year, a teen summer program and a few classes, fencing and skateboard camp. I found sites to help me plan lessons for her, to pull her grades up. I had a 4.3 in school, (I know, you really can't tell can you), I can do this, no problem.
We knew she'd be sad, but 6 months ago she was begging to live with us, so we figured we'd be okay.
Not. So. Much
There were tears and anger and pleas. She flat out refused, she begged. Never once did she say she didn't want to be with us. She just didn't want to leave there. She finally has friends, other odd teens like her, people she loves. I felt for her. We talked about her goals in life. She's 14, what goals she has are so vague it hurts. We talked about what we could offer her. She didn't want it. She wanted her friends. We talked about her grades. Her motivation. She has none.
I was not moved.
Then she said that she didn't get a chance, one last chance to do the work. She didn't think there would be a real immediate consequence to her grades. She said she should get an opportunity to prove herself, and that if she didn't then she would come here, with no complaints. I'd rather not drag her kicking and screaming into a successful life. Even though I know we have more to offer. More time, more money, less stress.
So I let her go. I should have made her stay, but she has a right to her own life. Even though she is still so young, she has had it hard and deserves to help decide her fate. Even when I think she is making the wrong choice.
I am not a total idiot though. She has a list of rules a page long. Homework will be done, and even turned in and signed off. Extra credit will be begged for and summer will have homework. Two hours five days a week, four during the month she stays with us. The ex put us on her consent forms at school, we have access to all the grades and teachers. She will be in counseling, once a week. She will try.
If she cannot maintain a B average and follow the rules she is on a plane to here. Which is not there. Where the friends are. Good luck first born. I'm rooting for you, although I'd rather you never left.
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